Mode d'emplois

Publié le par Emmanuelle

There is something VERY interesting that has been happening to me for the last 11 months or so.

It is that I started to understand how I function.

Let me explain to you.

Before I was just living.

Then, one day i got depressed.

At this moment (it lasted a few months), I couldn't do much.

My brain was slow, I had no energy, and didn't want anything and on top of that I was filled with emotions like despair, hopelessness, and many others that I really don't want to remember.

My life had no meaning and I couldn't even do the effort to find a meaning to it.

So, after a few months spent in bed I grew tired of being sad, empty and bored (altough being bored was the least of my problems), I decided to try to get out of this situation.

And it is how I starte to learn to deal with it. Or deal with myself.

I realized that :

When I'm bored it means I need to go and help someone, do something good, learn and feel useful.

When I'm slow, mellow, having to do lots of stuff but not really doing anything it means I must force myself to go out and do some sports. ANYthing is good to get me out and sweat.

So lately I've read a book about the art of doing lists.

I really loved it.

I still need to make tons of lists;

One list of all the things that uplift me when I'm mellow

A list of all the things I'd like to do if I had some time for when I'm bored and don't know what to do.

A list of things I'd like to do with my lover when I have one.


So now, since I want to be efficient and not waste my time, when I see I'm not doing the things I had planned to do.

I do a list.

For tomorrow for example it goes like this :

Bike ride




Make a new resume and send it to get a job.

Make boxes with the things I need to take to Toulouse.

Tidy and clean my room.

Why is it so good ?!

Because when I don't do it, I spend my time thinking I should do all this while I'm just doing the stupided things and at the end I don't do shit.

Whereas when I do a list, I do some stuff and then I feel free to read or surf the internet efficiently because I'm not thinking that I should be doing something else.

Another big thing : I manage to say NO. Of course I feel very guilty about it.

But at the end I know I didn the right choice.

I'm still very clumsy, but I'm going to get better.

Learning the hard way.

I aslo realized that I can't start anything before I feel safe and confidant with it.

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