Being too tired to do anything,
But not enough to sleep.
Everything seems so slow, especially me.
My brain, my body everything is slow.
And the whole day goes like that :
What did I come to my bed room for ?
How does the TV works again ? My Dad just shown me two minuts ago...
Why did I just turn the computer ? What did I need.
Why did I go to my Father ? Did I want to ask him something ?
Once I'm in the kitchen I forget I'm thursty, once I am in my room I forget I'm cold.
Once I'm at the computer to get an information I remember something I had to tell my Dad and once I'm in front of him I forget what I had to tell him, but I remember the thing I needed in the computer.
I have so many things to do and I spend my day walking from room to room keeping forgeting why I move from a place to another and remembering only when I'm starting something else somewhere else.
I am so slow and I'm bored because I forgot what I like to do, what I want to do and what I had planed to do...
So I think ;
Now... What to do ??
It's gray and cold outside.
It's going to be dark in a few hours, must hurry to go out.
And I know by the time I'll be ready to go it'll be too late. But if I do go, I know once far away on my bike, I'll remember all the veyr important things I need to do and feel bad for not being doing them.
My Grand-Mother thinks it's only getting older that we
-Forget why we move from a room to another.
-We look for something that is RIGHT under our eyes for 10 minuts, walking around in the room when it's right in the middle.
-We read one line in a book and once it's finished we've already forgoten what it was saying. So we don't understand a damn thing.
We try to listen but what we hear doesn't make sense because we can't remember what the other just said.
We're slower and slower, the mind is slower, the body is slower and we get lost in the mists of Winter.
I don't need to be old to be like this, it is totally part of my life.
Please, listen to Keren Ann singing :
You will see, it is sooooo slooowwwww and soooo good if it's also gray, dark, cold and boring where you lost yourself.
Life goes Full Empty Full
Like the seasons.
Nothing to do about it, get along with it, understand it and accpet it.
Two days ago I was impressed by how I could go to bed late, party, and wake up early go out all day, do lots of things, be very productive, and now... I'm amazed by how I feel old and slow and bored and into a big ball of cotton : I can't see, I don't hear what is and I think I heard something when there was nothing, I don't feel the flees bites (yeah country side, cats, fall...). I can't sleep, but I'm tired, to tired to do anything.
Wanted to add something... Forgot.
Ho this godamned letter. Send it.
Gather the papers, go to the city hall.
Tell my Dad...
Shower, strech...Drink, eat.
Need to write down everything so I don't forget, but how to remember WHERE I WROTE IT ?????
Emma, lost into her self, lost in the end of the fall.