Lundi 3 novembre 2008
1
03
/11
/Nov
/2008
11:54
Bonjour tout le monde Hello all !
It is sunday and I slept until 1 pm !!! Hadn't done that in... about...9 months
!
It is still raining outside, and grey... No let me check... No this sudden light in
my room is, it is, I can't believe it !!! From the sky !!!!!!!
God there is some clear blue BETWEEN the clouds !!!
Sorry guys I had lots to say, but now, in this very minute I'm going to ride a bike
accross the country !
Everybody have a good sunday, and if you want to be joyous, well... Listen to this
:
Par Emmanuelle
0
Samedi 1 novembre 2008
6
01
/11
/Nov
/2008
11:35
I KILLED THE Man.
In a dream...
A few weeks ago.
I was reading everynight a few lines of "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. The chapter about Life Death and life, Love, Men and Women.
And everynight I was having another crazy dream with some men.
The first night I was holding my Querido Hermanito and I was feeling something very warm, safe, deep, sweet. It wasn't about a romantic or sexual attraction at all, it was about the heart.
It was : You're my Brother, I'm safe with you and there is this incredibly good love here.
I was holding him my arms around his waist and it was
good.
Just sooooooo good. It was friendly.
Another night, I was having wild sex with the friend who was in the room next to mine.
He was an old lover, and we had been there before. This time it was in a dream and I wasn't giving him any rest. I was on top, using him. Literally.
I was crazy, and it was outside in the wild, near a river or a swamp, there was moss, and water nearby.
And in the last dream, or one of the last ones.
There was a man, and I had to kill him for some reasons.
I didn't really want to. But it was like one of those
things it's better to do it.
Like put some poison for rats or bugs. It's not very nice but it avoids bigger trouble.
So I just did it like I do the dishes. Has to be done.
I killed him and then I embalmed him well.
I had to do this too, because I knew he wasn't going to be taken care of before a few days.
So I did it, knowing I did the right thing, a good job well done.
There wasn't anything bad or cruel.
I don't remember my other dreams, but everynight I had another dream having something to do with the MAn, or Men in general.
Just like I was saying in my previous post, I don't need anymore to have somebody to sleep with.
And the same way I do not need to idealize men to love them.
I don't fall in love those who seem to be perfect.
Right away I can see their imperfections and love them.
Love them and their imperfections.
Because I do not need them anymore !
I killed the man so I can love men I meet.
Life Death Life.
Death gives way to a new life.
New, in general is better than the old.
Par Emmanuelle
1
Mercredi 29 octobre 2008
3
29
/10
/Oct
/2008
15:28
Curled in a Cuddle
My skin searching your skin endlessly
Like a snail in its shell I want to be
Close to you
Closer to you
Much closer, until we stick to eachother
Which position is the best to have the more of your skin touching my skin?
Let's try this one and this other one and this one, and let's get back to the first one.
My chest is happy but my back is jealous
How to do? how to do ?
Can't we call a friend, one for my front and the other one for my back ?
Ho and my feet, let's keep them warm
And please kiss my face, touch hair,
And my neck
Put your hand into my hair and the other one on my belly
Touch me touch me touch me all over endlessly"
Looks like love huh ?
Seems romantic right ?!
Well, it's not.
It use to be an addiction.
Since I left my parent's bed (when I was about 3 years old, I know what a pain for them !)
I've been missing company to go to sleep.
And EVERY single night of lonelyness, which was most of my nights, and still is, was
a torture, it was horrible, I was curling myself in my comforters, wishing, praying, begging for a warm body next to mine.
Because it was a need.
Now it's over. It's been a little more than a year.
After so much frustration everytime I had a guy who wouldn't hug me in the evening and in the morning and all night long...
Now I'm the one enjoying having my space and when I have to share it, it seems to me that it is a piece of cake I have to share.
Of course, I still have some special friends and lovers I love to sleep with.
But it's not anybody, and not anytime ;-)
Par Emmanuelle
0
Samedi 25 octobre 2008
6
25
/10
/Oct
/2008
20:15
I LOVE my Mother,
Nobody should doubt about it.
But sometimes I don't understand her.
Nor does she understands me...
And it is not getting any better with the time passing by.
Today I found in the kitchen 2 huge bags of onions and one big bag of potatoes.
I thought it had been given to her.
At dinner I discovered that no, not at all, SHE bought it.
10 kilos of onions, 5 kilos of potatoes and 2 kilos of carrots.
Why ?
Not because we are 10 people to be fed, not because we like to feed homeless people, not because we are going to freeze it to be able to go through a nuclear war in a bunker.
No, nothing of the kind...
Just because it was on SALES.
It was cheap, SO she HAD to buy it.
I can understand that.
But we are only four people in the house, I often go for a day or two to sleep and eat somewhere else.
In a few days from now two us are going to leave.
It's going to be only my mother and my brother...
I told her it was great she did such a good deal and she should share it with friends and neighbors since we can't possibly eat it all before it goes moldy. It creates what we call here "social
link" which is cruelly lacking in France.
Actually I think it's by sharing whatever we have that we can create a better world.
So we're going to have to eat so much onions and potatoes and carrots that we're going to hate it for ever after eating them all.
Because what you don't know is that it is forbidden to throw food away in my mother's presence.
Seriously.
I have seen poor people who know what hunger means throw away food that my mother usually eats. Taking the risk to get sick.
Well as a result she NEVER gets sick.
Yes, mold fruits contain penicillin which is a natural antibiotic.
One day she bought 3 kilos of sardines because they were on sales at the end of the market, I didn't like it at the time, so my sister who trusted my taste said she didn't like it either, and so my
brother who trusted her tastes said he didn't like it either.
So she served grilled sardines (the only recipe she knew) to her parents in law and herself for the next few days.
Being too polite they didn't dare to say anything and became disgusted by sardines for ever after.
Until his death my Grand-father could talk about it with a relief to have finally finished them, at some point the thought they would never end, because everyday there was some more !
I could tell you much more and write a whole book about what she made us eat.
Ok, actually I will because indeed it is really funny, just the most relevant and striking example.
One day our mother made a cake.
We were very happy, we asked what were the ingredients. But she wouldn't tell, she said : eat first, I'll tell you what's in there afterwards.
We ate and it was surprisingly good.
Usually her cakes have no sugar and no fat.
For the sugar sometimes she puts dried apricots or any sweet thing she can find that isn't sugar.
Because of the lack of fat her cakes are very dry and hard.
This one wasn't dry at all, and it's sweetness was ok.
We ate it all.
Afterwards, with a huge smile she tells us :
Well you remember the mayonnaise we've had in the fridge for so long nobody wanted to eat it, well it's in there, and the left over of mashed potatoes nobody wanted to eat either, and the bananas
so dark and soft you didn't want them, in there !
She was proud and happy.
We showed anger, disgust, surprise but we were secretly satisfied because it was indeed GOOD and tasty !
And she knows it. That's the problem.
She always buys the cheapest fruits at the market, so we never eat them because they aren't good, so they go mold and that's when she makes a cake.
Until I was about 9 I thought I didn't like pears and bananas because I never had good ones. Only unripe or too ripe...
To finish with the legacy point, yesterday I bought a book ONLY because it was brand new and only 3 euros and seemed to be good.
The problem is that it's actually not good enough to be read or kept or offered.
I am very pissed and I don't know what I'm going to do with it. But I'll find out.
So I'm very grateful to my mother (and the rest of my family, and maybe myself as well) because I intend to collect the best stories about her and make a stand up show with them. So I'll actually
make lots of money thanks to all the money she's saved (which is going to be lost because of the financial crisis anyway....). I am very grateful to my mother and I love her really a lot although
she drives me crazy most of the time.
And now I'm talking to my American friends reading me.
I've heard that there's ain't much people behaving like this in the US.
Here there is more people of this kind because our grand parents have known the war times with big restrictions for basically everything included food.
So this post somehow doesn't only tells you about my nice little self but shows you something from French culture ;)
Par Emmanuelle
5
